


Defective

by call_me_assface_the_clown



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, ZaDr, Zim is defective, dont you hate it when you get drunk and cry your problems out to your archenemy??, i hope this makes you cry, invader zim the trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 13:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/call_me_assface_the_clown/pseuds/call_me_assface_the_clown
Summary: Zim has just returned home from his trial with the control brains. After he finds out he is defective, he decides he is going to get drunk and hand himself over Dib, who is skeptical at first but after he realizes what’s happening he ultimately tries to awkwardly comfort Zim.





	Defective

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i’m sorry if y’all catch any feels. also— this takes place right after The Trial (an unaired episode), and i’m just saying that it happens like five years after ETF, so Dib is like,,,, 17 or sumn.  
also— you should follow me on instagram. @invader.clown

As soon as the elevator had lowered enough to where Gir couldn’t see him, Zim felt his lower lip begin to tremble though refused to let any tears fall. A small ding alerted the small alien that he had reached the desired floor level of the underground base. Zim wiped the tears from his eyes as he stepped through the sliding doors and into the control room.

“Computer!” He shrieked, his voice cracking.

A sigh filled the room. “What is it now?” The computer replied.

“Is Zim… defective?” Zim questioned softly.

“Your I.D. PAK is faulty and you’re pretty accident prone. So yes, you are defective,” the disembodied voice answered tiredly, sounding as if it didn’t understand what exactly those words did to 

The Irken’s eyes narrowed and his throat tightened uncomfortably at this confirmation. “Impossible!!” He shouted at the A.I., “Zim is Irk’s greatest Invader. I cannot be defective! Clearly the control brains made a mistake,” Zim exclaimed confidently, spitting out the word ‘defective’ like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Are you crying?” The computer asked.

“No! Of course not! I just… got something in my eye,” Zim hurriedly rid the wetness in his eyes before shouting once more, “GIR!”

A tube to his right shook violently before the grate at the bottom popped off to reveal the scatter-brained robot. “Yesss?!”

Zim cleared his throat, turning his back to his servant, “I need you to fetch some something for me from the store! I require this poison humans drink. And I will need lots of it!”

-

Loud knocking at the front door averted Dib’s focus from the latest gadget he had been working on all night. He frowned softly as he quickly got up from his desk to rush downstairs after having checked the time on his watch; it was 3:38am. The young teen peeked through the peephole in the door, taking a small step back upon finding that it was a rather pathetic-looking Zim that had knocked. With a deep breath he unlocked the door and pulled it open, frowning at the shorter male.

“What do you want, Zim? Here to tell me about your latest plan to take over the world? Don’t you know what time it is?” He hissed out, attempting to sound more awake than he actually ways.

The alien didn’t answer at first, he simply held his arms out in front of him, touching at the wrists. “‘M here to surrender… Turn me over to yer authorities or somen’,” he slurred.

Did’s shocked-filled eyes glanced over Zim, taking notice of the puffiness in his glossy red eyes and the bags under them. “What?” He questioned, not truly understanding what the alien was saying, “what are you getting at?”

“‘M not gettin’ at anythin’. There’s just no point in it anymore,” Zim informed with a small laugh, “not like anyone is gonna care anyway.”

“Wha— Alright, Zim, I’ll play along…” the human said leaping to the side to rip open a drawer in a side table and pull out his special alien-trapping handcuffs; which he had kept several pairs hidden around the house in case of emergencies. Dib gripped Zim’s arms and slapped the metal bands on.

“Mm yeah, whatever,” he grumbled, walking past the human and to the basement as he wiped at his eyes with a gloved hand, swaying as he went.  
Dib frowned softly, watching the alien walk for a moment and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before catching up to him. 

“Are you uh… are you drunk?”

“Probably, I dunno. Zim had a lot to drink,” Zim slurred with a small shrug.

“Are you ok?” He asked, lightly grasping his nemesis’ arm to stop him in his tracks.

Zim froze for a moment, staring up at the human before suddenly wailing, a set of tears formed in his ruby eyes and began streaming down Zim’s face. “NO! Zim is not ok!!” he wailed, falling forward so his forehead rested against Dib’s chest.

“Whoa whoa whoa, hey. What’s wrong?” Dib asked, carefully placing his hands on Zim’s shoulders, lightly pushing him forward so that he could see the alien’s face. Instead of a straight answer, Zim’s only reply was grumbled nonsense in what Dib assumed to be the Irken language. “Uhh… let’s go to my bedroom, ok?” He offered, carefully ushering his frienemy to turn around and head towards the stairs.

“Why? Are you gonna dissect me in yer bedroom? Doesn’t sound very clean…” he wept, stumbling over his own feet as he went. 

The human sighed lightly taking ahold of one of Zim’s lithe arms to keep him stead, “I’m not uh… I’m not going to dissect you, dude. Especially not when you’re all sad like this.”

Zim groaned dramatically with what Dib could tell was disappointment. Never in the five years of knowing the alien would he ever expect Zim to surrender and just hand himself over to the enemy. If he had learned anything about the Irken race, it’s that they never gave up until they successfully completed their assignment, even if it was taking five years…

He helped his archenemy up the stairs and down the hall, he was practically dragging Zim at this point. They were almost to Dib’s room when the bathroom door beside them fell open, revealing a tired and irritated Gaz standing in the frame.

“Uhhh…” Dib began, scouring his mind for some sort of explanation as a handcuffed and drunk Zim clutched onto his arm for stability. He knew how bad this must’ve looked to anyone who didn’t know what was going on. Actually, Dib didn’t know much about what was happening either. 

“Oh hey, Gus. Yer brother is gonna dissect me,” the crying alien raised a gloved hand to give her a sluggish wave. 

Gaz glanced between the two and narrowed her eyes, her judging gaze making her brother sweat nervously as he gave her an anxious smile.  
“Yeah, I don’t care,” she said tiredly, walking past them to stop at her door to give them one last glare, “just don’t make a lot of noise, I’ve got a sixteen-hour gaming tournament to finish.”

And with that, she stepped into her room and slammed the door behind her, leaving Dib to stand and stare at the sign on the door that read ‘DON’T LET THIS LOSER IN’ with an arrow pointing to a doodle of Dib with a head larger than his body. He let out a heavy breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding. The human teen wrapped one arm around Zim’s waist so he could open his bedroom door and carry his nemesis inside, kicking the door shut. Dib gently set the alien on his bed and removed the handcuffs. Zim then simply fell over to lay on his side.

“Where’s Gir? He’s always with you,” Dib questioned. 

Zim only shrugged, wiping fresh tears from his eyes, “I dunno, watchin’ TV, I think. He won’t notice I’m gone for at least a couple more years.”

The paranormal investigator hesitantly sat beside him on the bed, “you uh… Do you want to tell me what happened?”

He quickly sat up and grasped the collar of Dib’s shirt, yanking him down so that they were face to face. The alien’s weeping picked back up again. “Zim is defectiiivvveeee!!” He wailed, pressing his forehead against Dib’s chest, soaking his t-shirt with a fresh set of tears that fell down his face, “do you know what this means, human?!” Before even giving the human a chance to answer his question, Zim continued, “the information from my PAK isn’t allowed into the control brains. It’s FAULTY! They were going to kill me, Dib. KILL ZIM!”

Dib froze up, staring down at the alien. He gave a quick glance around the bedroom, wondering if Gir was going to jump out with a camera. When he realized that no one was coming, he hesitantly wrapped an arm around Zim, awkwardly patting his shoulder in a weak attempt to calm his archenemy down.

“Who cares about what they think? They’re a bunch of assholes,” he said softly.

Zim looked up at Dib with tear-filled eyes, “I care!! They are my leaders, Zim’s FRIENDS. And they— they left me to rot on this stupid NOWHERE planet in the middle of some NOWHERE SOLAR SYSTEM. An— And I— I… I’m all alone. Zim disappointed them…” 

He continued to sob against the larger human, slowly curling in on himself, making himself look smaller than he actually was. Dib breathed softly and pulled Zim close, resting his chin on the boy’s head.

“If it means anything, I think you’re a great invader…”

Zim quickly shoved him away, “shuddup! Whadda you know about being an invader?! Zim has to… I gotta get back.”

The alien pushed himself off the bed, standing on shaky legs for a moment before falling back onto his butt. Instead of attempting to get up, he hugged his legs to his chest and continued crying. It was probably the most pathetic thing Dib had ever seen. And any other time he would’ve laughed at Zim, but it wasn’t funny when Zim was this depressing…

Dib slipped off the bed and placed his hands right beneath the other’s arms to slowly pull him up.

“C’mon, Zim,” he said softly and placed him back on the bed, “you need sleep.”

“Irkens don’t need sleep, you stupid worm baby,” Zim spat quietly, though it came out more as a whimper rather than the snarky comment he had wanted it to be.

“At least try to, you’ll feel better when you wake up,” Dib promised, pulling the covers back on the bed. 

Despite Zim’s assurance that he didn’t need to sleep, he crawled onto the spot Dib had made for him and laid his head on the fluffy pillow, allowing the human to cover him with the heavy blankets. 

“Comfy?” Dib questioned.

His enemy gave a small nod and a sniffle. It was easy to tell that the tears were still falling from the way Zim’s breathing hitched with every other breath. 

“Good, if you need me I’ll be—“

“No,” Zim protested softly, reaching a three-fingered hand out from the blankets to lightly grasp the sleeve of Dib’s shirt, “can you stay here… please?”

Dib flushed bright pink at the request, if Zim weren’t drunk and just crying his eyes out he might’ve told Zim he was cute. Instead, he nodded to him and carefully climbed into the bed after setting his glasses on the bedside table and removing his jeans. Dib laid down onto his side, facing the small green alien, and watched as Zim wiggled up to Dib so he was curled up against his chest. The teenager stiffened for a moment before wrapping one arm around Zim.

“Good night,” he said softly.

“Good night, Dib.”

—

Dib awoke to the sound of someone screaming, then the feeling of getting the wind knocked out of him as something smashed into his chest, forcing him to roll off the bed and smack the back of his head against the bedside table.

“What the fuck?” he groaned, rubbing his scalp.

“What on Irk are you doing here?!” A panicked voice shrieked, “why were you holding Zim?? WWhhhyyyyyyy?!!”

Through his blurred vision, Dib looked up at the bed to see a green and fuchsia figure standing on his mattress, who he immediately recognized as Zim. The human jumped to his feet, snatching up his glasses and smashing them on.

“What am I doing here? This is my room!” He retorted. 

Zim froze and glanced around at his surroundings, “oh, it is… WAIT! What am I doing in your room?!!!”

“You came to me! Last night, you were drunk off your ass. You kept asking me to dissect you,” Dib shot back as he quickly picked up the jeans he had discarded onto the floor last night and clumsily tugged them on.

“Impossible! As if the almighty Zim would ever surrender so easily!” The alien folded his arms.  
Dib frowned, buttoning his jeans, “I literally have you on camera.”

“WHAT?!” He screeched, “show me!!”

The boy rolled his eyes and pulled out his desk chair and flipped on his computer to pull up the footage from the security camera outside the front door. Dib skipped through the video until the time stamp on the screen read ‘3:34am.’ Lo and behold, not even a minute later, an incredibly drunk Irken stumbled up to the Membrane household and knocked violetning on the door. Then it showed Dib opening the door and slapping handcuffs onto the Irken then Zim walking into the house of his own free will.

“See?” 

“LIES!” Zim exclaimed, “you lie!!”

Dib let out a frustrated huff and whipped around to grasp his rival’s arms, “I’m not lying!”

“Why would Zim ever hand himself over anyways?” He questioned, ripping himself from Dib’s grip.

“Because you’re lonely,” Dib answered with a small sigh, getting him from his seat, “you told me everything that happened with your leaders.”

Tears began glazed Zim’s eyes at the reminder of his trial, but he quickly wiped them away with a gloved hand before glaring at the human, “Zim didn’t tell you anything! You speak madness, Dib-monster! MADNESSS!!!”

“Drop the act, Zim. You can’t fool me,” he said, slowly taking Zim’s hand, hesitating halfway through to give the Irken a chance to say no. However when he wasn’t smacked away he lightly grasped the lithe hand, “you can cry if you want. It’s alright.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Zim hissed quietly as a soft sob escaped his lips.

“‘Course not,” Dib replied, bringing the smaller into a comforting hug.

**Author's Note:**

> and i oop


End file.
